Goodbyes

The day after court, Friday April 6th, we went to say goodbye to Andrew’s sister, Lena. We had promised her we would during our first meeting. We began our 2 hour trek over some of the worst roads I’d ever seen. The infrastructure in Ukraine is severely neglected and it appears the road crews are in a losing battle to conquer the pothole.

It was good to see Andrew spend some time with Lena. Another blessing to come out of this adventure is that they were able to reconnect again. It had been 2 years since they had seen each other at camp and you can tell there is genuine affection for each other. They are all each other have. We were greeted with a hug in stark contrast to our first meeting. We were no longer the enemy looking to take away the only family she had, but family. Lena and Andrew spent some time on the couch in the art classroom we were in for visiting reviewing the latest pictures, exchanging contact information and jabbering on in Russian. They looked to be genuinely enjoying the time together. It was a good visit and we’re glad we made the effort.

Lena seems at peace with her decision not to be adopted. This is the life she knows and is comfortable in it. Her orphanage is a much better facility than Andrew’s. It looks to be recently renovated, clean fairly modern and the children are well cared for. In her physical world, she seems well cared for. Andrew’s orphanage by contrast is an old building with minimal facilities, marginal food, an odd odor and not many creature comforts. We understand why he wants out so bad! The staff does the best they can with the resources they have and seem to genuinely care for the kids. The painful reality is these are the kids who are up against impossible odds to overcome their labels and lack of opportunity. There is little investment in kids where they are expecting little return. There are a lot of good kids whose only chance is to be adopted, but we fear most will not get that opportunity.

One of the numbers Lena gave Andrew was to her godfather. Andrew, being quite the extrovert, decided to call him during the drive home. The man was so surprised to hear from him that you could hear him yelling through the phone throughout the car. Andrew was excited to reconnect with someone from his past who he hadn’t seen in over 6 years. This was another unexpected opportunity and blessing to come from. When we got home Andrew called him again and arranged a Skype video call. Apparently Andrew spent time at this family’s house when he was a young boy. This family and Andrew were all excited to talk to each other and had a good visit. It had barely been 24 hours since his adoption and he wasted no time reconnecting.

You can tell God has big plans for this boy. Like Alex, our other son, Andrew is a gifted boy who was stuck in a system where he couldn’t thrive. We are honored to be chosen to be his parents and entrusted with the opportunity to guide him to become the man he was designed to be. America is truly the land of opportunity. Life is not always fair, but everyone has the opportunity to work hard and the freedom to achieve excellence if they want. You only fail when you stop trying. That is not the case everywhere in the world

Celebrating New Beginings

Following court, we had to make another petition for something. After every event we make a petition for something- that’s just what we do! Then went to our favorite café for a celebratory lunch. Nothing like a little salad, fried potatoes and chocolate-banana blinis to celebrate your new beginning!

Andrew spent the weekend with us again at the apartment. He was in great spirits, had a good appetite and spent plenty of time snuggling with his mama on the couch or wrestling dad. Andrew doesn’t have to be doing anything “exciting” to pass the time. He just enjoys doing life with his new family. Whether it’s watching movies or TV, feeding pigeons, dining at the local café, playing soccer or grocery shopping, he just enjoys being part of a family now! His anger and distrust we endured during his visits to America are gone. He now feels like he belongs and has the security that he will not be abandoned or marginalized again like has happened so often in the past. He’s like a butterfly who has emerged from his chrysalis and drying his wings. Andrew is ready to take flight!

New Beginnings

We arrive for our 9:30 court appointment and meet Toli and the social worker from the orphanage. After a little waiting, it becomes apparent there is an issue and our translator, Lena, and the social worker get called into the courtroom. An unknown lady leaves the room crying, this doesn’t look encouraging. Anxiety rises as the adoption roller coaster begins to plunge down another drop. Ups and downs are common as the adoption ride careens down the track (see adoption rules #2 and 4). Apparently one of the two jurors didn’t show and the judge was asking about postponing the hearing for another week. Our translator appears to have headed that off and they try to locate the missing juror.

The missing juror has been found and we all file into a small, old courtroom. Toli seems a little nervous as the moment I’m sure he has been dreaming of is here. Is it possible to come this far only to be denied? The judge reads a lot of the case background, a summary of our home study and some other details. It was hard to hear some of the painful details that we already knew being read into the record- parental rights terminated for neglect, no visitors during his 6 year orphanage stay, no Ukrainians expressed interest in adopting him, and that he has a label of “mental retardation” (a subjective label given to kids who may not be progressing on schedule academically due to their turbulent history and behavioral problems). Looking over at Toli he shows no emotion and one must wonder what is going through his mind… is he numb to the pain after so many years or just accepting of the rejection he has known for most of his life? You can't help but tear up on his behalf. In a few minutes it won’t matter or exist anymore. He is loved, valued and intelligent! He’ll be living a different life.

Some simple questioning from the judge about jobs, our background and why we want to adopt Anatoliy Victorvich Makiyenko. A querry by the judge to all interested parties brings no objection to the adoption and she adjorns to her chambers to reach her decision.

After about 15 minutes, the judge returns with her ruling. She reads her decision and our petition for adoption has been granted. Additionally, our request (actually his request) to change his name to Andrew Anatoliy Rapson has been granted and a new birth certificate reflecting Lisa and I as his parents will be issued. The book slams shut on some dark and painful chapters in one little boy’s life and another chapter begins in another book. If you ever wonder if all the time effort and money are worth it, I can assure you this little boy thinks so! For the price of a modest car that someone may only drive for a few years and some administrative efforts, his life has been changed forever.

Psalms 68:5-6 “A Father to the fatherless, a Defender of widows, is God in His holy dwelling, God sets the lonely in families.”

The Prize is Near

Oksana filed our papers with the court and found out who our judge would be the following day. She set up her meeting with the judge for Friday. The meeting went well and the judge seemed to be adoption friendly. Unfortunately, court is only held on Thursdays and she will be out of town the final Thursday of March. This is important for a couple reasons... first of which is that I am supposed to start work at my new Chick-fil-A restaurant on the 1st. Court will be on April 5th… Hummmmm?!?!

Fortunately for me, Chick-fil-A is adjusting my start date to 1 May. What a great company! At my final interview they stressed that my priorities were to be Faith, Family, and Chick-fil-A- in that order. They just don’t talk the talk, but walk the walk. Eat more chickin!

With 2 weeks until our court date, dad heads home to get some things take care of in the states. Lindsey has her prom and Kayla has a soccer tournament which I will get home in time to attend. Although mom would love to get home too, we are Toli’s only assurance that this process will get done. Lisa is his psychological anchor and he objects strongly to the thought of being left vithout his daily visit for 2 weeks. Our parents have been watching the kids while we are away and without whom this wouldn’t be possible. Adoption takes a lot of support to make happen. Friends, family and employers all help and sacrifice to make this happen and we are grateful!

Hurry Up and Wait

Backing up about 2 weeks, we’ll fill in the gaps and get current…

Ukrainians like to “make petitions” in the adoption process. These are notarized documents that either make requests of the court or some official declaration to be considered by some entity. After having his sister make a statement that she was OK with the adoption, we had to make a petition that we would continue contact with his sister and Oksana, our adoption facilitator and translator, ran around a bit to get the appropriate approvals and paperwork filed. Apparently there is a commission at the social worker government office in the town where Toli was born that must review the case and approve the separation of the siblings before the adoption can go forward. Of course it took a while to get all the cats herded together and the paperwork complete. It was National Women’s Day and a four day weekend which cost us a couple days to get the paperwork filed for the first local steps. Once the paperwork was filed, the commission wasn’t able to meet for another week. We passed our time

We were under the impression that we would need to appear in person to answer questions about us so the Commission could determine if this adoption was in Toli’s “best interest.” Let’s see… 6 years in an orphanage, no visitors and not much hope for the future since the kids at this orphanage are lbled with “vision problems or mental retardation. I’m no genius, but one would think this was a no brainer. Each step is a chance for things to be derailed so you have to let the process grind along and pray for favor.

It’s game time! We pile into the cab the afternoon of the meeting and drive an hour to where Toli was born for the meeting. Right before we get there the social worker called to say we wouldn’t need to appear in person and that the meeting would be a formality.
Another step in the process behind us and much made about nothing. I’m starting to realize that as long as the rails are greased with a few greenbacks, the train keeps moving along. Not the process we’re accustomed to, but that’s the way things get done here. Our request for the final adoption was sent to Kiev which is our last approval of many to adopt Toli.

Next stop, court!

Temporary Losses for Eternal Gains

Today as I write, Rick has been gone for two weeks, hence the drastic delay in updated posts as I'm not the biggest fan of writing. :) Another reason (or excuse) in not posting was the wonderful fact that I was blessed to have Toli with me for all of last week, which was his spring break. I made a point to stay off of the computer, except for a short occasional glimpse at Facebook, and gave him my undivided attention for the whole week, which in turn, God used for so much more than I could've imagined. More later on that. Rick returned home the day before we found out that our court date will be on Thursday, April 5th. We had decided that it would be best for him to return for the week or so in between our court date in order to get more things tied up for the new job and of course to give out long awaited hugs and kisses to our three kiddos at home and give Grandpa Rick and Magah a little break. Lindsey also had her Senior Prom coming up so Rick was there to represent the both of us.
One of the mornings that Toli was here, I took a peek at the pictures posted on FB that were taken of Lindsey and her boyfriend Brennon, I did my best to not get too emotional from not being home to be a part of it all in person. And yes, for those of you that know me, you are right, I failed at that attempt and had to run for the box of Kleenex!. ;) Toli was watching TV and looked over at me as I was scrolling through the beautiful shots of this precious moment in Lindsey's life and he asked me, in his best English, "Mom, why are you crying?" I really did my best to try and hide the tears but he noticed. As I sat there and tried to explain to him the reason for my tears, I was aware that I needed to be careful to not make him feel like it was at all his fault that I was not there for their prom. I told him that there needs to be two of me right now. One mommy here for you and one mommy back home in Louisiana. He smiled and came over to hug me and look at the pictures of his soon to be sister and her sweet boyfriend Brennon, along with several of their good friends. I said to Toli, "mom would be crying if I wasn't able to be at one of your special moments, like your senior prom, either. It's what mom's do sometimes when they miss their children and it's what I did on occasion when I saw pictures of you and wanted to be there in person with you." Now, as I think about what I said, I realize he probably never truly felt that anyone, (his birth mom or dad in particular) has ever missed him in his entire life and this was something new and so comforting for him to realize that he is loved this much. Toli was never visited, not even one time by his birth parents over the last six years of his time spent in the orphanage. There were no phone calls or letters sent by them or anyone else in his family. In his mind, he likely felt not even worthy enough to be missed. How incredibly sad.
But God had different plans for this child as He does for all of his children that have been left as orphans. I love the words, "but God"!!! (In the Bible, these two words are always followed with a story of hope, faith, overcoming major obstacles, redemption, and the list continues.) But God spoke to Rick and Lisa Rapson and made something very clear to them..." this child will feel My Love and know that he has great value, potential and is so special that he is missed when he is not around!" God made it clear to us that this one little "starfish" will be shown His Love in a tangible way, through our warm hugs and our encouraging words. Through our smile, Toli will get a glimpse of His smile, and he will know that he is loved with an everlasting love by His Heavenly Father that HAS NEVER and will never leave him or forsake him. The only thing we needed to do was to say, "yes Lord." Really, that's all we can take credit for. But oh, what a blessing He has in store for each of us when we step out in faith and say, "yes". Mind you, as Rick has stated earlier, it will never be what you had in your "picture" of what you thought your life is supposed to look like. There is always a temporary cost or sacrifice that takes place in this life when it comes to doing something that has eternal value for good for someone else.
In the book, "The Strength of the King; A Call to Pure and Undefiled Religion", this profoundly true statement really sums it all up. "My friends, adoption IS redemption. It's exhausting, expensive, and outrageous. Buying back lives costs so much. When God set out to redeem us, it killed Him."

On Parole

We were blessed to have Toli spend the weekend with us in the apartment. We hadn't heard of anyone else being able to get a weekend pass for their adoptive children, but it never hurts to ask. We seem to have found favor with the orphanage Director and she has been very accommodating. That dozen roses we gave her for National Women's Day when we first arrived probably didn't hurt the cause. We have heard many stories of peoples difficulties while in Ukraine and the adoption process. Live life generously and favor will find you when you need it. The people have been very helpful to us navigating the process, finding a place to stay and getting us around town.
Toli was glad to be out for the weekend. He and his friends say the food isn't very good and I suspect their conditions are Spartan. The staff does the best with what they have to provide the best environment they can, but they certainly have some facilities challenges on their hands. We picked oli up after school and had dinner at the local cafe. We also stopped by the local "mall" and picked up a small Lego jeep kit to put together and some groceries. We spent the evening watching a movies and hanging out. You could tell Toli relished the family time he has had only during the two hosting visits with us over the 6 years he's been in an orphanage.
The rest of the weekend was just life's simple pleasures like lunch at the cafe, buying a book in Russian, the grocery store, walks in the park, more movies, legos, an occasional snowball to the back of the head, feeding pigeons, and some window shopping. The weather is warming which makes for wet walks through the melting snow and runoff. You'd be surprised what the volume of litter that's revealed when the winter snow begins to recede!
The weekend went fast and soon it was time to go back. Surprisingly there were tears. Even though we'd be visiting daily and ask for another visit next weekend, there is no attachment to the orphanage for Toli. I can't say I blame him, but it is what we have to do for now. Soon Toli will walk out of the orphanage for the last time and into a new life full of promise and unconstrained by his circumstances. I know he will miss his good friends, but it will be a great day to get this one little starfish back into the water where he can thrive.