Goodbyes

The day after court, Friday April 6th, we went to say goodbye to Andrew’s sister, Lena. We had promised her we would during our first meeting. We began our 2 hour trek over some of the worst roads I’d ever seen. The infrastructure in Ukraine is severely neglected and it appears the road crews are in a losing battle to conquer the pothole.

It was good to see Andrew spend some time with Lena. Another blessing to come out of this adventure is that they were able to reconnect again. It had been 2 years since they had seen each other at camp and you can tell there is genuine affection for each other. They are all each other have. We were greeted with a hug in stark contrast to our first meeting. We were no longer the enemy looking to take away the only family she had, but family. Lena and Andrew spent some time on the couch in the art classroom we were in for visiting reviewing the latest pictures, exchanging contact information and jabbering on in Russian. They looked to be genuinely enjoying the time together. It was a good visit and we’re glad we made the effort.

Lena seems at peace with her decision not to be adopted. This is the life she knows and is comfortable in it. Her orphanage is a much better facility than Andrew’s. It looks to be recently renovated, clean fairly modern and the children are well cared for. In her physical world, she seems well cared for. Andrew’s orphanage by contrast is an old building with minimal facilities, marginal food, an odd odor and not many creature comforts. We understand why he wants out so bad! The staff does the best they can with the resources they have and seem to genuinely care for the kids. The painful reality is these are the kids who are up against impossible odds to overcome their labels and lack of opportunity. There is little investment in kids where they are expecting little return. There are a lot of good kids whose only chance is to be adopted, but we fear most will not get that opportunity.

One of the numbers Lena gave Andrew was to her godfather. Andrew, being quite the extrovert, decided to call him during the drive home. The man was so surprised to hear from him that you could hear him yelling through the phone throughout the car. Andrew was excited to reconnect with someone from his past who he hadn’t seen in over 6 years. This was another unexpected opportunity and blessing to come from. When we got home Andrew called him again and arranged a Skype video call. Apparently Andrew spent time at this family’s house when he was a young boy. This family and Andrew were all excited to talk to each other and had a good visit. It had barely been 24 hours since his adoption and he wasted no time reconnecting.

You can tell God has big plans for this boy. Like Alex, our other son, Andrew is a gifted boy who was stuck in a system where he couldn’t thrive. We are honored to be chosen to be his parents and entrusted with the opportunity to guide him to become the man he was designed to be. America is truly the land of opportunity. Life is not always fair, but everyone has the opportunity to work hard and the freedom to achieve excellence if they want. You only fail when you stop trying. That is not the case everywhere in the world

Celebrating New Beginings

Following court, we had to make another petition for something. After every event we make a petition for something- that’s just what we do! Then went to our favorite café for a celebratory lunch. Nothing like a little salad, fried potatoes and chocolate-banana blinis to celebrate your new beginning!

Andrew spent the weekend with us again at the apartment. He was in great spirits, had a good appetite and spent plenty of time snuggling with his mama on the couch or wrestling dad. Andrew doesn’t have to be doing anything “exciting” to pass the time. He just enjoys doing life with his new family. Whether it’s watching movies or TV, feeding pigeons, dining at the local café, playing soccer or grocery shopping, he just enjoys being part of a family now! His anger and distrust we endured during his visits to America are gone. He now feels like he belongs and has the security that he will not be abandoned or marginalized again like has happened so often in the past. He’s like a butterfly who has emerged from his chrysalis and drying his wings. Andrew is ready to take flight!

New Beginnings

We arrive for our 9:30 court appointment and meet Toli and the social worker from the orphanage. After a little waiting, it becomes apparent there is an issue and our translator, Lena, and the social worker get called into the courtroom. An unknown lady leaves the room crying, this doesn’t look encouraging. Anxiety rises as the adoption roller coaster begins to plunge down another drop. Ups and downs are common as the adoption ride careens down the track (see adoption rules #2 and 4). Apparently one of the two jurors didn’t show and the judge was asking about postponing the hearing for another week. Our translator appears to have headed that off and they try to locate the missing juror.

The missing juror has been found and we all file into a small, old courtroom. Toli seems a little nervous as the moment I’m sure he has been dreaming of is here. Is it possible to come this far only to be denied? The judge reads a lot of the case background, a summary of our home study and some other details. It was hard to hear some of the painful details that we already knew being read into the record- parental rights terminated for neglect, no visitors during his 6 year orphanage stay, no Ukrainians expressed interest in adopting him, and that he has a label of “mental retardation” (a subjective label given to kids who may not be progressing on schedule academically due to their turbulent history and behavioral problems). Looking over at Toli he shows no emotion and one must wonder what is going through his mind… is he numb to the pain after so many years or just accepting of the rejection he has known for most of his life? You can't help but tear up on his behalf. In a few minutes it won’t matter or exist anymore. He is loved, valued and intelligent! He’ll be living a different life.

Some simple questioning from the judge about jobs, our background and why we want to adopt Anatoliy Victorvich Makiyenko. A querry by the judge to all interested parties brings no objection to the adoption and she adjorns to her chambers to reach her decision.

After about 15 minutes, the judge returns with her ruling. She reads her decision and our petition for adoption has been granted. Additionally, our request (actually his request) to change his name to Andrew Anatoliy Rapson has been granted and a new birth certificate reflecting Lisa and I as his parents will be issued. The book slams shut on some dark and painful chapters in one little boy’s life and another chapter begins in another book. If you ever wonder if all the time effort and money are worth it, I can assure you this little boy thinks so! For the price of a modest car that someone may only drive for a few years and some administrative efforts, his life has been changed forever.

Psalms 68:5-6 “A Father to the fatherless, a Defender of widows, is God in His holy dwelling, God sets the lonely in families.”

The Prize is Near

Oksana filed our papers with the court and found out who our judge would be the following day. She set up her meeting with the judge for Friday. The meeting went well and the judge seemed to be adoption friendly. Unfortunately, court is only held on Thursdays and she will be out of town the final Thursday of March. This is important for a couple reasons... first of which is that I am supposed to start work at my new Chick-fil-A restaurant on the 1st. Court will be on April 5th… Hummmmm?!?!

Fortunately for me, Chick-fil-A is adjusting my start date to 1 May. What a great company! At my final interview they stressed that my priorities were to be Faith, Family, and Chick-fil-A- in that order. They just don’t talk the talk, but walk the walk. Eat more chickin!

With 2 weeks until our court date, dad heads home to get some things take care of in the states. Lindsey has her prom and Kayla has a soccer tournament which I will get home in time to attend. Although mom would love to get home too, we are Toli’s only assurance that this process will get done. Lisa is his psychological anchor and he objects strongly to the thought of being left vithout his daily visit for 2 weeks. Our parents have been watching the kids while we are away and without whom this wouldn’t be possible. Adoption takes a lot of support to make happen. Friends, family and employers all help and sacrifice to make this happen and we are grateful!

Hurry Up and Wait

Backing up about 2 weeks, we’ll fill in the gaps and get current…

Ukrainians like to “make petitions” in the adoption process. These are notarized documents that either make requests of the court or some official declaration to be considered by some entity. After having his sister make a statement that she was OK with the adoption, we had to make a petition that we would continue contact with his sister and Oksana, our adoption facilitator and translator, ran around a bit to get the appropriate approvals and paperwork filed. Apparently there is a commission at the social worker government office in the town where Toli was born that must review the case and approve the separation of the siblings before the adoption can go forward. Of course it took a while to get all the cats herded together and the paperwork complete. It was National Women’s Day and a four day weekend which cost us a couple days to get the paperwork filed for the first local steps. Once the paperwork was filed, the commission wasn’t able to meet for another week. We passed our time

We were under the impression that we would need to appear in person to answer questions about us so the Commission could determine if this adoption was in Toli’s “best interest.” Let’s see… 6 years in an orphanage, no visitors and not much hope for the future since the kids at this orphanage are lbled with “vision problems or mental retardation. I’m no genius, but one would think this was a no brainer. Each step is a chance for things to be derailed so you have to let the process grind along and pray for favor.

It’s game time! We pile into the cab the afternoon of the meeting and drive an hour to where Toli was born for the meeting. Right before we get there the social worker called to say we wouldn’t need to appear in person and that the meeting would be a formality.
Another step in the process behind us and much made about nothing. I’m starting to realize that as long as the rails are greased with a few greenbacks, the train keeps moving along. Not the process we’re accustomed to, but that’s the way things get done here. Our request for the final adoption was sent to Kiev which is our last approval of many to adopt Toli.

Next stop, court!

Temporary Losses for Eternal Gains

Today as I write, Rick has been gone for two weeks, hence the drastic delay in updated posts as I'm not the biggest fan of writing. :) Another reason (or excuse) in not posting was the wonderful fact that I was blessed to have Toli with me for all of last week, which was his spring break. I made a point to stay off of the computer, except for a short occasional glimpse at Facebook, and gave him my undivided attention for the whole week, which in turn, God used for so much more than I could've imagined. More later on that. Rick returned home the day before we found out that our court date will be on Thursday, April 5th. We had decided that it would be best for him to return for the week or so in between our court date in order to get more things tied up for the new job and of course to give out long awaited hugs and kisses to our three kiddos at home and give Grandpa Rick and Magah a little break. Lindsey also had her Senior Prom coming up so Rick was there to represent the both of us.
One of the mornings that Toli was here, I took a peek at the pictures posted on FB that were taken of Lindsey and her boyfriend Brennon, I did my best to not get too emotional from not being home to be a part of it all in person. And yes, for those of you that know me, you are right, I failed at that attempt and had to run for the box of Kleenex!. ;) Toli was watching TV and looked over at me as I was scrolling through the beautiful shots of this precious moment in Lindsey's life and he asked me, in his best English, "Mom, why are you crying?" I really did my best to try and hide the tears but he noticed. As I sat there and tried to explain to him the reason for my tears, I was aware that I needed to be careful to not make him feel like it was at all his fault that I was not there for their prom. I told him that there needs to be two of me right now. One mommy here for you and one mommy back home in Louisiana. He smiled and came over to hug me and look at the pictures of his soon to be sister and her sweet boyfriend Brennon, along with several of their good friends. I said to Toli, "mom would be crying if I wasn't able to be at one of your special moments, like your senior prom, either. It's what mom's do sometimes when they miss their children and it's what I did on occasion when I saw pictures of you and wanted to be there in person with you." Now, as I think about what I said, I realize he probably never truly felt that anyone, (his birth mom or dad in particular) has ever missed him in his entire life and this was something new and so comforting for him to realize that he is loved this much. Toli was never visited, not even one time by his birth parents over the last six years of his time spent in the orphanage. There were no phone calls or letters sent by them or anyone else in his family. In his mind, he likely felt not even worthy enough to be missed. How incredibly sad.
But God had different plans for this child as He does for all of his children that have been left as orphans. I love the words, "but God"!!! (In the Bible, these two words are always followed with a story of hope, faith, overcoming major obstacles, redemption, and the list continues.) But God spoke to Rick and Lisa Rapson and made something very clear to them..." this child will feel My Love and know that he has great value, potential and is so special that he is missed when he is not around!" God made it clear to us that this one little "starfish" will be shown His Love in a tangible way, through our warm hugs and our encouraging words. Through our smile, Toli will get a glimpse of His smile, and he will know that he is loved with an everlasting love by His Heavenly Father that HAS NEVER and will never leave him or forsake him. The only thing we needed to do was to say, "yes Lord." Really, that's all we can take credit for. But oh, what a blessing He has in store for each of us when we step out in faith and say, "yes". Mind you, as Rick has stated earlier, it will never be what you had in your "picture" of what you thought your life is supposed to look like. There is always a temporary cost or sacrifice that takes place in this life when it comes to doing something that has eternal value for good for someone else.
In the book, "The Strength of the King; A Call to Pure and Undefiled Religion", this profoundly true statement really sums it all up. "My friends, adoption IS redemption. It's exhausting, expensive, and outrageous. Buying back lives costs so much. When God set out to redeem us, it killed Him."

On Parole

We were blessed to have Toli spend the weekend with us in the apartment. We hadn't heard of anyone else being able to get a weekend pass for their adoptive children, but it never hurts to ask. We seem to have found favor with the orphanage Director and she has been very accommodating. That dozen roses we gave her for National Women's Day when we first arrived probably didn't hurt the cause. We have heard many stories of peoples difficulties while in Ukraine and the adoption process. Live life generously and favor will find you when you need it. The people have been very helpful to us navigating the process, finding a place to stay and getting us around town.
Toli was glad to be out for the weekend. He and his friends say the food isn't very good and I suspect their conditions are Spartan. The staff does the best with what they have to provide the best environment they can, but they certainly have some facilities challenges on their hands. We picked oli up after school and had dinner at the local cafe. We also stopped by the local "mall" and picked up a small Lego jeep kit to put together and some groceries. We spent the evening watching a movies and hanging out. You could tell Toli relished the family time he has had only during the two hosting visits with us over the 6 years he's been in an orphanage.
The rest of the weekend was just life's simple pleasures like lunch at the cafe, buying a book in Russian, the grocery store, walks in the park, more movies, legos, an occasional snowball to the back of the head, feeding pigeons, and some window shopping. The weather is warming which makes for wet walks through the melting snow and runoff. You'd be surprised what the volume of litter that's revealed when the winter snow begins to recede!
The weekend went fast and soon it was time to go back. Surprisingly there were tears. Even though we'd be visiting daily and ask for another visit next weekend, there is no attachment to the orphanage for Toli. I can't say I blame him, but it is what we have to do for now. Soon Toli will walk out of the orphanage for the last time and into a new life full of promise and unconstrained by his circumstances. I know he will miss his good friends, but it will be a great day to get this one little starfish back into the water where he can thrive.

Every Orphan has a Dream

We’ve spent the last couple days visiting Toli in the afternoon. It’s study and homework time for the rest of the kids. Toli says his teacher isn’t worried about his studies since he is leaving which seems to suit him just fine. Some of his friends float in and out of the room where we visit and occasionally one of the ladies who work at the Internat come by and shoo them off.
Apparently Toli lined up a couple of his friends for impromptu “interviews” and the hope that we could help them get some exposure to find a family. Toli has a good heart and is trying to help his friends get connected even though he is almost out himself. His friend Sasha and Ruslan just happen to drop by just about every day so we took their photo and got some basic info via Oksana, our facilitator and translator. Of course they both want to come to America and they both seemed like really nice boys. They spent the time looking at Toli’s photo album and playing some games on the iPad.
Ruslan is 14 and likes math, computer programming, and drawing. His favorite sports are soccer and running. As with most kids here, he dreams of coming to America and having a family. Ruslan is another one of Toli’s good friends and has a good demeanor. He is friendly, polite and enjoys playing iPad games with Toli during our visits. He’s just another one of the many good kids looking for someone to provide him a life changing break.
Sasha is 16 and likes math, history, computer programing and woodwork. He dosen’t care for studying in Ukrainian only because it’s hard (I’m with him on that one). He also likes football and ping pong, but basketball is his favorite sport. He mentioned he is good at technical drawing and would like to have a job related to computer programing or car mechanis. Like most 16 year olds, he loves cars. Toli says Saha is a very good friend and looks after the younger kids. In the two visits he has spent with us, he has had great manners, a kind disposition and very polite. He seems like a normal boy looking for a home.
It is sad that we can’t take them all home. You know that when they come to visit that they are looking for an invite to America. Feel free to pass along the info to anyone you think might be interested in hosting or adopting. We’d be glad to assist them in getting another starfish off the beach. Lisa is the technical expert on the process(I just follow directions-Navy vets are good at that) and can be reached on Facebook or lisarapson@yahoo.com. Photos are attached.
On the way out, we ran into a group of Toli’s friends coming across the courtyard. They were kicking a ragged and partially inflated soccer ball. It is humbling to see people who have so little finding simple pleasures in unlikely places. It's a good reminder that the key to finding joy where you are is all about having realistic expectations and faith that God will provide for your needs (not necessarily wants). The truth is we NEED very little, but tend to want so much. Whenever you’re feeling as if you have an unmet need, just remember that something like 90% of the world’s population has less than even the most modest among us in America. Life isn’t fair, but God is good. One of life’s hardest lessons is being content with what He has provided.

Pictures from our Day in Keiv

Our first day in Ukraine was spent in Keiv. We went to the State Department of Adoptions to officially identify Toli as the child we wished to adopt. The sculptures are from a Ukrainian story. The additonal pictures are of a typical street scene.

More Pictures from the begining of our journey

A couple more pictures from our first couple visits to the Uglegorsk Internat. Toli and his sister, Zhenya and Vladik with their care packages from home, Lisa in front of the Internat.

Groundhog Day

We spend the weekend repeating our cycle of catching-up on e-mail, breakfast, hanging-out, lunch at a local cafe, grocery shopping, visiting Toli, diner and a little Russian TV. Since we are off the tourist destination path, there aren't many people who speak English so we have started playing menu roulette after tiring of pizza and exhausting the few pictures on the menu. Yesterday we scored some salmon soup! It wasn't what I'd have intentionally ordered, but it wasn't bad. Brother, we aren't in 'Nawlins anymore! The people in Ukraine have been very nice, but you can tell they don't get a lot of foreigners out this way and the waiters and waitresses usually draw straws to see who is going to wait on the foreigners since they speak about as much English as we speak Russian.
Our visits with Toli have been nice. The orphanage sets us up in a classroom near the entrance so we haven't had a chance to see much of the common spaces. The building is old and basic, but they seem to keep things very clean. Toli likes to sit on the couch and play games and visit. He usually likes to be close to one of us. If we understood him correctly, no one has came to visit him while he's been there so he's enjoying the time. With visitors. We are always greeted and end our visits with big hugs.
Yesterday we had the chance to visit with some of his friends (Zhenya, Vlad, and Vladik) who were being adopted. We were able to make a few phone calls back to states on Skype to their prospective adoptive parents. It is heart warming to see the hope in these kids lives and sad to see the many others who have not yet been "chosen." They are just kids who want to be loved.
We downloaded a couple apps on the iPad to get a start on learning more English and practicing math. Yesterday he started crying when he got hung up on some multiplication practice. I think he was embarrassed more than anything, but he seemed comforted that it is OK. We reassured him we all have trouble with math and that it just takes some practice. No doubt this is just the first of many frustrations and hurts that have been his life to this point that will need unpacked and addressed as we get to know each other better. Everyone has their gifts and challenges. We spend a lot of time and energy in American education addressing weaknesses rather than building strengths. Toli is a gifted artist, enjoys reading and has a huge heart for giving for a boy who has so little. Our challenge as parents for each of our children is to discover who God has designed them to be and provide a supportive environment where they are not afraid to fail in pursuit of their dreams. He may never be a mathematician, but then again perhaps he will. He's just has a different tract than most American kids, but that will likely become his strength as he draws from experiences no American child would want to have.

Toli's Journey to a Forever Family Begins

This is one orphan’s story about his journey to a family. Not that there is anything particularly noteworthy about this journey, but it is one of thousands that occur every year for the fortunate few out of the millions of orphans worldwide that are waiting for their forever family. We hope to encourage those in the adoption process that there is and end to the process and hope to inspire someone new to join in this awesome life-changing journey.
We've lived a blessed life and God has allowed us to enjoy some success along the way, but nothing in life compares with giving a child hope when there is none and a loving home and stable environment for them to blossom into the person they've been designed to be. Adopted or biological, there is no difference. Every child just wants to be loved. Before we tell the story of where we are, a perspective of where we've been will help frame the journey...

Adoption Rule Number One: One must remember when beginning the adoption ride... It's not about you!

Spring 2011

It all started in the Spring of 2011. We had been leading an adoption interest small group at church when God began to put it on Lisa and my heart that we were to do more than equip and encourage others to adopt. One of the presenters in the curriculum we were using said something that struck me... Adoption isn't about some mission event to save a child, expression of faith or any other altruistic motivation.
As Americans, we tend to over analyze everything and have all the answers before we begin something new. We become paralyzed by the how’s, the how much and all the practical reasons it’s not possible. The reality is that the time is never “right,” you’ll never have the required funds in the bank, there will always be something else which conflicts with your best intentions and it is impossible not to get your hands dirty and avoid a little discomfort.
Adoption, like most of God’s callings, is a different paradigm. You must be in motion and step out in faith for something miraculous to occur. The only question you have to ask yourself is do you have the capacity to love a child. It's that simple. It's all an orphan needs- a family. We had a home and the capacity to love and those are all the prerequisites required for God to begin his work. We were being called back into adoption again.

May 2011

Lisa was first led to New Horizons for Children orphan hosting program after hearing about it from several friends and our adoption group. WWW.newhorizonsforchildren.org, coordinates Summer and Winter hosting periods for school aged children who are currently in orphanages and foster homes in Ukraine and Latvia. Please check out their website for more information about hosting. They are the largest Christian International hosting program in our country and have been successfully coordinating hosting visits for almost 20 years with a passionate purpose of sharing the love of God and the love of family to every orphaned child.

With my 45th birthday fast approaching, I was hoping I didn't have an infant in my future, but I was open to God's direction. After much prayer, we decided to take the next step forward and choose the child that several of us individually had felt led to. His name, Anatoliy (Toli), and he was one of many of the eligible kids who were listed on the New Horizons web site. Even though New Horizons is only a hosting program and not an adoption agency, short of unforeseen problems, we all knew how this would end up. With my retirement from the Navy and Change of Command Ceremony in July during the first of what would be two hosting periods and no new job pending yet, this was not the ideal time for such an undertaking. But if it's God's plan for your life, he will provide the means and work out the details.

Adoption Rule Number Two: Put your big boy pants on, buckle-up, keep you hands and feet inside the ride at all times and don't exit the ride until it comes to a complete stop.

Summer 2011

Toli came to visit us at the end of June and stayed through the beginning of August. All in all it was a pretty successful visit! He only tried to run away from home a couple times, had to be restrained from exiting a moving vehicle by his sister on the way home from church once, Lisa wanted to send him home no less than three times (fortunately for Toli that wasn't an option), he wouldn't eat on occasion, had night terrors and was a prolific pouter. We soon discovered that "no" was a frequent trigger. All that psychology Lisa took in school and Rick's Navy experience was coming in handy. We had more than a couple "talks" about appropriate behavior and expectations which is particularly challenging with a language barrier, but we seemed to fumble through it. The inability to communicate clearly was a big part of the problem. We weren't trained for this, had no experience in this arena, but knew God would lead us to the solution if it was his plan.
Beneath that angry exterior of a little boy, there was a "happy Toli" that would surface who liked to ride bikes, play soccer, go fishing, laugh, joke and snuggle with his "American Mommy." Fortunately he got along great with his prospective brothers and sisters. The ratio of good to bad days was about 50-50. Progress was incremental, but there was hope that under his sometimes bristly exterior, there was a little boy who wanted to be part of a family more than anything. He just wasn’t equipped to express his frustrations appropriately. You just have to hold them tight and pour life into them. In this case it was all about unconditional love.
God's lesson for us during this visit was all about grace. He's given it to us and now we had a chance to prove we give it back. Trust me on this one, true grace is much easier to receive than to give. Toli's first visit ended with tearful goodbyes at the airport. We had connected. The hardest part about the whole visit was not being able to mention adoption (part of the hosting rules) to Toli while he was here. Just that little bit of hope and the commitment from us would have likely changed Toli’s approach to us. Knowing he had to return to his orphanage without hope for the future, was harder than dealing with the behavioral challenges.

Adoption Rule Number Three: It will take longer, cost a little more and be more complicated than you initially expect. You're on God's schedule now! (As a reformed control freak and "fixer"(a career in the Navy will do that to you), this part will hurt if you try to hold the reins to tight. Take a couple deep breaths, give yourself 24 hours to be disappointed in the process, turn the details over to God and refer Adoption Rule Number One.)

August- September 2011

Before Toli left, we decided to move forward with the adoption home study and expedite the process so we could take advantage of Rick's break between his Navy retirement and his follow on career which was yet to be identified. If all went well, we would travel in November and be home by Christmas (at this point I needed to refresh myself with Rule Number Three). Of course it didn't take long before we had to make multiple trips to Baton Rouge to get the correct version of our background investigation done, wrangle with our doctors to get our physicals in the right format and with the needed information. Then one of our documents was rejected in the Ukraine for a clerical error and had to be redone. Then the Ukraine State Adoption Agency reorganized and much of our adoption dossier had to be redone with the new forms. Valuable time was slipping away.

November 2011

November 1st, Rick's accrued vacation time and paycheck ran out. On November 4th, we had our final interview with Chick-fil-A and Rick was selected to be a franchise operator. It was awesome to be selected, but that also meant no income until the May 2012. Unlike the government, in the real world you only get paid for doing something and our something doesn’t start until April, but God will provide. With 7 weeks of training, starting January 2nd, we really needed to get this adoption completed as soon as possible, refer to Rule Number Three. With the possibility of adopting by 2011 slipping away, we would need to host Toli for the Winter session from mid December to Mid January.

December 2011

Toli's second visit went much better, no runaway attempts or mega meltdowns. The initial adjustment period was much shorter. There was the occasional mini hunger strike and pouting session, but the good to bad ratio had improved to about 80-20 and his English had improved noticeably. Preparing for Christmas and then Christmas was particularly enjoyable knowing this was something he hadn't experienced in the 6 years he'd been in the orphanage, if ever. We worked in some soccer, football, go carts, mini golf, bike riding, bowling and a few other outings. After Christmas Alex, our son, and Toli spent quite a bit of time riding their new electric scooters. Although not without its occasional challenges, this hosting period was a blessing and confirmation that Toli was to be our son.

February 2011

On February 13th we found out that we had been assigned our initial appointment at the State Adoption Agency in Ukraine on 5 March. The heavy lifting was upon us and we had 2 weeks to arrange our parents to watch the kids and gather up our things.

Planes, Trains and Automobiles

We departed New Orleans March 3rd for Ukraine via Washington DC and Frankfurt before arriving in Kiev after an all night flight on Lufthansa. Alex (the Kiev facilitator) picked us up at the airport and we drove into Keiv to check into our apartment with quick orientation of the area. We had time to grab some dinner hit the local grocery store. Tomorrow we have our appointment at the State Adoption Agency in the morning.
Our appointment at the SDA went well. It was very short and didn’t take very long. They asked us why we were here and who we were here to adopt. After a few minutes to find Toli’s file, we were able to get the initial paperwork completed. Toli has a sister somewhere, but there was no file on her and she was likely not available for adoption. We knew this going in and were holding our breath that this would not complicate the process. Surprisingly, there was little mention of her or follow-up. That was a relief.
At the SDA, there was a bookcase full of three ring binders that held the single page and picture of each child. It is sad to think about each one being a child looking for a family. There was one less page in the binders, but the bookcase didn’t look any different. It reminded me of the starfish story. For those not familiar, it is included below.
The Starfish Story by: Loren Eisley

One day a man was walking along the beach when he noticed
a boy picking something up and gently throwing it into the ocean.
Approaching the boy, he asked, What are you doing?
The youth replied, Throwing starfish back into the ocean.
The surf is up and the tide is going out. If I don’t throw them back, they’ll die.
Son, the man said, don’t you realize there are miles and miles of beach and hundreds of starfish? You can’t make a difference!
After listening politely, the boy bent down, picked up another starfish,
and threw it back into the surf. Then, smiling at the man, he said;
I made a difference for that one.

We’d need to come back at the end of the day to pick-up the approval letter to take to the regional social worker office so we can get our starfish back in the water!
After getting our paperwork from the SDA, we went to the train station to grab our night train to Donesk. We departed Kiev about 7 pm Monday night after a snack at McFoxy's( a McDonalds rip-off). We started the night riding the Ukrainian version of the Polar Express, a bumpy train through the snow. Fortunately my Navy experience prepared me for sleeping on a bumpy train as that is easier than a ship going through a big storm. Lisa unfortunately didn't have such a valuable life skill and got no sleep.

When One becomes Two

We arrived in Donesk about 7 am Tuesday and went by a real McDonalds for a Ruski McMuffin while we were waiting for our translator/facilitator to arrive by bus. Then it was off to the regional social worker office. After a few animated phone calls that we couldn’t understand, they told us his sister was available and healthy in another orphanage about 100 km away and a flurry of phone calls ensued. Her orphanage director said she was a model child and thought she would want adopted. Whoa! That wasn’t part of the plan! Our inner reaction was a bit of shock as we were led to believe that Toli’s sister was not available for adoption, but we go where we’re led.
Never let the paint dry on your picture while adopting (or life in general), it will need to be reworked over and over again. Like the Italian masters who painted overtop old paintings, we find ourselves constantly reworking the Rapson family painting as God provides us direction that wasn’t in MY version of my painting. I spent most of my life trying to make my life match the picture: the career, the house, the family, the 401k, college savings, etc. I now wonder how many opportunities I missed along the way because I wasn’t looking for unexpected opportunities. Unexpected opportunities to make an impact and lead a life of significance are everywhere, but you have to remove your blinders, look around and be receptive to what God has in HIS plan for you.
And the adventure begins...see adoption rule number two.

Adoption Rule Number Four: Don’t panic. Things tend to be fluid so bad news isn’t always the final word. You have to trust that God will bring you to where you need to be.

From the social worker’s office, we went to Toli's Internat (boarding school, aka orphanage) and met his Director and Toli. By this time his sister's Director called to say she had been told we were here for Toli and willing to adopt her also. Not surprisingly for a 15 year old girl processing such news out of the blue, she was upset as she had heard the rumors that people get adopted for their organs. Her Director thought a visit with Toli might be best so we loaded up and drove 2 1/2 hrs over potholes to her orphanage. After a tearful reunion with Toli, she made it clear that she did not want to be adopted and that she didn't want Toli to go either.
It was an interesting couple hours as we moved from no eye contact and tears to hugs at the end. She still didn't want to go as she had her friends, plans for trade school and a job in the factory. Who could pass up all that!? She seemed like a nice girl as we shared some pictures and a bit about ourselves. I think Toli told her we were not bad folks and set her at ease. He seemed a bit uncomfortable with the situation as I think he realized that his future was potentially in jeopardy.
Her orphanage staff tried their best to talk her into going with us, but got her to sign a letter that she didn't want to be adopted and didn't oppose Toli's adoption. We exchanged addresses and e-mail and even offered to host her later. She seemed OK with being able to maintain contact with Toli. Toli gave her his mp3 player, a candy bar and his gum as it was her birthday the day before. So we left again for the trek back to Toli's internat. We stopped for pirogues for dinner in Donesk with Toli at a cafeteria before dropping him off about 8 pm. Then we checked into a hotel to get some rest after a long and emotionally taxing day.

Beating the Rush

This morning,7 March, we are going to do more paperwork that can be done pending the separation authorization for Toli and his sister that must be given before the adoption can proceed. It is a four day holiday this weekend for Women’s Day (sounds like a Valentine’s Day type holiday with lots of flowers and gifts). And everyone is done by lunch.
We stopped by Toli’s orphanage to get a piece of paperwork the Director endorsed, went by the notary to get our adoption petition certified. A commission must meet to grant the separation of siblings. Apparently they just met for their monthly meeting, but the social workers have 10 days to forward the adoption request so we are hoping for action next week. Please pray for our favor during this process. No one is opposing the adoption, but nothing is a slam dunk around here.

The Waiting Begins

For the weekend, we are settling into the routine of a daily visit to Toli’s Internat. Today, 8 March, we were able to spend a couple hours with Toli, and a few of his friends Vlad, Vladik and Zhenya. We brought several care packages with us from their prospective adoptive families and the boys seemed glad to receive them. We spend the time looking over a few photos, played Uno and connect four, and the boys mysteriously gravitated to the iPad like moths to light. It was a nice visit with the kids. We made arrangements to return tomorrow after lunch.

Welcome!

Hello!!! We are the Rapson Family and we're so happy to have you join us as we travel on our latest "adventure". The adventure of adoption! Actually, this will be the 2nd time that we have gone down this road. We adopted our first son, Alex, from Russia 11 years ago. We also have been blessed with two daugters, Lindsey and Kayla, who were born to us in 1993 and 1995. God had placed a burden on our hearts for adoption after our second daughter was born and when she was three yrs. old, we started the process which ended 9 months later (no really!) with a precious son in our arms from Yekaterinburg, Russia.
Life truly isn't boring when you follow God's plan!