Today as I write, Rick has been gone for two weeks, hence the drastic delay in updated posts as I'm not the biggest fan of writing. :) Another reason (or excuse) in not posting was the wonderful fact that I was blessed to have Toli with me for all of last week, which was his spring break. I made a point to stay off of the computer, except for a short occasional glimpse at Facebook, and gave him my undivided attention for the whole week, which in turn, God used for so much more than I could've imagined. More later on that. Rick returned home the day before we found out that our court date will be on Thursday, April 5th. We had decided that it would be best for him to return for the week or so in between our court date in order to get more things tied up for the new job and of course to give out long awaited hugs and kisses to our three kiddos at home and give Grandpa Rick and Magah a little break. Lindsey also had her Senior Prom coming up so Rick was there to represent the both of us.
One of the mornings that Toli was here, I took a peek at the pictures posted on FB that were taken of Lindsey and her boyfriend Brennon, I did my best to not get too emotional from not being home to be a part of it all in person. And yes, for those of you that know me, you are right, I failed at that attempt and had to run for the box of Kleenex!. ;) Toli was watching TV and looked over at me as I was scrolling through the beautiful shots of this precious moment in Lindsey's life and he asked me, in his best English, "Mom, why are you crying?" I really did my best to try and hide the tears but he noticed. As I sat there and tried to explain to him the reason for my tears, I was aware that I needed to be careful to not make him feel like it was at all his fault that I was not there for their prom. I told him that there needs to be two of me right now. One mommy here for you and one mommy back home in Louisiana. He smiled and came over to hug me and look at the pictures of his soon to be sister and her sweet boyfriend Brennon, along with several of their good friends. I said to Toli, "mom would be crying if I wasn't able to be at one of your special moments, like your senior prom, either. It's what mom's do sometimes when they miss their children and it's what I did on occasion when I saw pictures of you and wanted to be there in person with you." Now, as I think about what I said, I realize he probably never truly felt that anyone, (his birth mom or dad in particular) has ever missed him in his entire life and this was something new and so comforting for him to realize that he is loved this much. Toli was never visited, not even one time by his birth parents over the last six years of his time spent in the orphanage. There were no phone calls or letters sent by them or anyone else in his family. In his mind, he likely felt not even worthy enough to be missed. How incredibly sad.
But God had different plans for this child as He does for all of his children that have been left as orphans. I love the words, "but God"!!! (In the Bible, these two words are always followed with a story of hope, faith, overcoming major obstacles, redemption, and the list continues.) But God spoke to Rick and Lisa Rapson and made something very clear to them..." this child will feel My Love and know that he has great value, potential and is so special that he is missed when he is not around!" God made it clear to us that this one little "starfish" will be shown His Love in a tangible way, through our warm hugs and our encouraging words. Through our smile, Toli will get a glimpse of His smile, and he will know that he is loved with an everlasting love by His Heavenly Father that HAS NEVER and will never leave him or forsake him. The only thing we needed to do was to say, "yes Lord." Really, that's all we can take credit for. But oh, what a blessing He has in store for each of us when we step out in faith and say, "yes". Mind you, as Rick has stated earlier, it will never be what you had in your "picture" of what you thought your life is supposed to look like. There is always a temporary cost or sacrifice that takes place in this life when it comes to doing something that has eternal value for good for someone else.
In the book, "The Strength of the King; A Call to Pure and Undefiled Religion", this profoundly true statement really sums it all up. "My friends, adoption IS redemption. It's exhausting, expensive, and outrageous. Buying back lives costs so much. When God set out to redeem us, it killed Him."
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